I am generally a fan of Ellen DeGeneres, as she is one of the few remaining comedians who keeps it clean, which is highly commendable. This blog, however, is in response to a recent Cover Girl commercial starring Ellen. The opening statement of said commercial was, "Inner beauty is important...but not as important as outer beauty."
As if the women of America today (in particular the younger generations) didn't have enough ragging on their self esteem and sense of individual worth, a role model and icon comes out and blatantly tells them that what they look like supersedes their character in priority. These poor girls' heads are already filled with doubts about how they look, and this advertisement seems to say, "Yes, girls, you ARE ugly unless you paint your faces enough. Your inner beauty comes in second place to your appearance, so don't waste too much effort in character development."
I have spent the last two summers as a youth counselor at a summer program designed to strengthen character for young people between the ages of 14 and 18. So much time is spent trying to convince young women and men what REAL beauty is, and that settling for less is not only detrimental, but emotionally fatal.
I really do believe that Miss DeGeneres doesn't have a desire to tear apart everything that anyone with a good head on their shoulders and real love and respect for women fight so hard to build - real self esteem.
Ladies, you ARE beautiful. You don't need to worry yourselves about what you look like. As men we really do appreciate it when you get all dolled up for us. We recognize that it takes a lot of effort and yes, you do look very pretty when you do so. But you know when else you look just as pretty? When we're out throwing a Frisbee in the parking lot after being on a bus for seven hours and your hair isn't quite in the same placement as you intended; When you're exhausted from working so hard in your studies and however many jobs you're working to make ends meat at college; When you decide to not "put your face on" that day because you were up all night taking care of a sick roommate and you just don't care. The list goes on. And, as Baz Luhrmann said, "Don't read beauty magazines - they will only make you feel ugly."
Continuing on that thought, I would like to request something of the women of today: DON'T SETTLE!! In a very powerful way you influence what we as guys give out. It goes back to the principle of supply and demand. (Keep in mind that the male mind unfortunately will resort to the ever popular "nothing box" which will result a downward spiral to flat out inner ugliness that I find it hard to believe that any girl really wants.) Someone once said, "Chivalry isn't dead - it's just not required anymore." So, girls, REQUIRE IT!! If a guy isn't treating not how you want to be treated, then don't give him a second chance. Heck, don't let him get away with that first chance if you can. Listen to your friends and family who don't like him; they can see things you might not be able to. If he's not making it easier for you to live your standards then he's not worth it. Can I say that again, underlined? If he's not making it easier for you to live your standards then he's not worth it. If he's not making you feel better about yourself after every time you interact, he's not worth it. If he's out of chivalric shape and you guys are already friends then give him some time to get in gear, but please do it without the pressures and hormonal complications that being in a relationship with him will surely bring. It'll relieve a lot of stress from your roommates and other girlfriends, too. We can be trained. In a perfect world you wouldn't have to worry about teaching us how to act because we would do it of our own accord. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen all too often. With pleasant frequency, however, a simple vocalization of how you want to be treated will get much improved results quickly. If not, then you know to just move on. Be sweet, but not ditsy. Be assertive, but not manipulating. Be patient, but not blind. Let us open doors for you - we're not patronizing you, but rather trying to show you courtesy. Don't come out to meet us for a date if we honk our car in your driveway or text you that we're here. Acknowledge our efforts when we're doing something right - we're secretly more self-conscious then you may sometimes realize. Please don't get upset if we don't pick up on your hints - guys don't speak in hints. We just slug each other. Let us know openly when we're doing something wrong. And please, PLEASE realize that just because he asks does NOT mean that you have to say "yes."
A message to the men: BE MEN!! "Man," in this sense, is to be a true man. A man of honor, a man of integrity, a man of respect, a man of truth. We must be more concerned with how we are making girls feel with every word we say, action we perform, and direction our eyes look. Sexist jokes are NOT funny! Crude and vulgar "humor" is NOT funny! Taking advantage of the insecurities that girls are already struggling so hard to cope with for your own physical pleasure or upgraded social standing is just downright despicable. Be confident, but not cocky. Be strong, but not overbearing. Be gentle, but not a pushover. Open doors for girls - it doesn't make you a wimp. Walk street-side and offer her your elbow, even if you're not on a date - it's just proper. Try to clue into their hints, but make sure you understand right before you take action. Encourage them to dress modestly, and compliment them when they do. NEVER honk your car or text them that you're here when you pick her up for a date - you can walk all the way to the door and knock. It's not that hard, you big, strong, heaping mass of muscle. Carry a handkerchief around in case they start tearing up. Accept compliments graciously and give them freely. Never miss an opportunity to tell a girl that she's pretty. Even if they rebut, stick to what you said. Notice new things they do with their hair or new outfits. This will take some practice, but keep in good humor if you mess up - they'll usually forgive you if they know your effort is sincere. Look them in the eye when you talk with them. And please, PLEASE, if they say or motion "no," then DON'T!
The Lady and the Gentleman seem all but endangered species in these days. It doesn't have to be that way. As we constantly, diligently, painstakingly develop our character and inner beauty something wonderful will happen: that beauty on the inside will show on the outside. It's not something that can be measured or even explained. There's just a certain countenance - a light among those who are good.
